wellness

Today my Ayurvedic doctor, Sangeeta Sirinthipaporn, dusted my oily feet with something resembling allspice and declared me healed.


Well not exactly 'healed' per se, but completely relaxed (solar plexus and adrenals) unblocked (bladder meridian) and cleared in a energy flow sense and able to conduct the remaining physical healing on my own.  I felt a bit wobbly and emotional as I said goodbye and wanted to give her a hug but clung stoically to my English stiff upper whatsit.  Which is ironically what got me into trouble in the first place, the tendency to go "no really I am fine" and swallow whatever anguish, anxiety or other unpleasant emotion beginning with A that I deem inappropriate for public consumption.


So I said 'thank you and maybe see you again', and she said 'no probably not because you are fixed you see', and I said 'well I might pop back anyway, cos you know... it's kinda nice having someone put fragrant oil in your hair' and she gracefully peeled my fingers away from her door frame, ushered me into the street and waved cheerfully through the wrought iron gate.


Sangeeta also teaches Ayurveda and I would quite like to study with her, but I do need to get well myself before I start taking on the burden of others' health.  And I don't just mean I need my leg to stop hurting but also the other stuff the anxiety and self-esteem things. 


But that is what I am doing yoga for right? 

  http://www.sangeetas.com/

healing

Ha this is what happens when I open this blog to the public eye (i.e. tell my husband about it) I stop posting.  Just kidding, I think I needed some time to do yoga instead of talk about it and as a result of a wonderful week off and daily classes I think I am well on my way to beating the "left leg thing".  I can't say exactly how it happened.  I started seeing an Ayurvedic therapist who oiled my hair and my back and did repeated (often painful) reflexology sessions on my feet.  She also gave me some delicious smelling oil for my head (although I slather it everywhere) and suggested I give up my morning cereal and banish cold from my life.

I also had a proper Thai massage and allowed Dee (who usually does my feet every week) to thoroughly work my leg trying to get all the knots out on my thigh and calf even though it was terribly painful.

And then one morning I simply sat on the floor tried to straighten my leg.  When that wasn't happening I listened to my body and the message I got was that this wasn't about pain but about acute anxiety, bordering on outright panic.  Realising this was very interesting and I was able to relax get my leg down straight for the first time in four months.  A euphoric afternoon followed and I actually enjoyed a walk from Siam to Central Chidlom, not that far but more than I have been willing to do for a while. As it turns out the euphoria was a bit premature but what I discovered was the beginning of a way out of the pain, rather than the end of it.

I have worked harder since then, not only to physically stretch and release the knotted muscles in my leg but also to somehow emotionally stretch and release the anxiety in my chest. Dom helped too by patiently unknotting the residual tangle in my calf that seems to appear every evening.  I am getting there.  I still have work to do, but today for the first time my yoga practice was about the whole of me, and not about my left leg.  The whole of me.  It was lovely.

Thank you to Dom, Sangeeta, my many yoga teachers, Marisa, Dee and of course Shiva for your patience and help in this journey of healing.