Yoga at Dawn

It didn't look this good.  For one it was in my yard not an open expanse so, although I assume it was somewhere near dawn, I couldn't actually see any sun peeping over the horizon.  Just inky black sky, white fluorescent light and the odd motorbike taxi hurtling down my Soi.  Also it wasn't some svelte yogini on the mat, it was me in crumpled fisherman's pants and yesterday's shirt.

Dom is now doing his advanced practitioner course and as daily homework he has to do five rounds of sun salutation A, some pranayama, and meditate for a bit.  I offered to join him so at 5.30 I dragged my mat into the yard and cranked out some gladness. Man, my salutations are rusty.  I have mainly being doing yin yoga which is more stillness than movement for some reason sun salutations have become an endangered species in my regular class.  It was good to do them though, just five had me sweaty.

I skipped the pranayama (as vipassana includes breathing I didn't see the need to separate it from the meditation stage - and after all I am just hanging out, free as a bird to unfollow instructions) and sat in hero pose to meditate.  My landlady was clattering around next door and taxis were zipping by so I didn't try too hard.  I just sat and let calm wash over me, trying to empty my mind only to watch it being drawn back to the waking day.

Then, still slightly sweaty and with dusty feet, I curled back into bed while Dom showered and got ready for work. I closed my eyes and felt myself hum with a pleasant vibration.  I felt more connected and my usual panicky sense of being adrift was gone.  I felt simple, centered and happy.  I felt like I might do it again tomorrow.

Escape and stories

Interesting how this blog was working better as a private journal.  As soon as I went public (i.e. told Dom) I started 'writing for' instead of 'writing about' and I lost the momentum of introspection.  But yesterday I was lying on my yoga mat listening to stories. Don't worry, I was still in the Floment, but stories were rising... and I listened and let them go like a good yogini.  Anyway, I realised I still needed this space. I am so full of stories and they clutter me up.  Yoga is physically, mentally and emotionally easy for some and hard for others.

Hard for me.  But good for me too - helps me sift through the stories and let them go.  But ultimately when you struggle with yoga you need more than one mat.

This is just another mat.